


To Be Loved By A Vampire

by gin_no_bara



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Not Romance, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-21 20:25:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gin_no_bara/pseuds/gin_no_bara
Summary: This one shot is an interpretation of Yui's thoughts and feelings as she tries to make sense of Subaru's violence. This is based on Subaru's Heaven Prologue in Haunted Dark Bridal.Trigger warning for abuse, sexual assault and dark themes.





	To Be Loved By A Vampire

Subaru appeared at my door for the first time in what seemed like ages. He had been holding back on drinking my blood for so long, that when I finally begged him to take it, I thought he would take all of it -- and I would have let him. I would have given anything to take his pain away, even my life.

But he didn't. He stopped before I fainted, before he killed me.

And then without any explanation at all, he disappeared, as if he were avoiding me, as if he wanted nothing to do with me.

 _He's back now, though._ I felt the flutter in my heart, the resurgence of joy at his unexpected appearance in the doorway.

Until I met his eyes. The darkened scarlet in his irises glared back at me.

Something was wrong.

Before I could jump out of bed to hug him, to calm him, his deep voice froze me in place. “I’ve decided on something. I’m not going to worry about your feelings anymore. I’m doing what I want to do.”

I blinked. _What does he mean by that?_

I licked my lips, a growing nervousness making them suddenly very dry. “Subaru, what's wrong? What happened?”

But he ignored my question, and the wicked grin spreading across his face solidified the fear in my throat. From his hand, a silver light glinted, and I recognized his mother's knife, the one he tried to give me.

But now, he _pointed_ it at me _._

“S-Subaru?” My breathing became faster as he took a step into the room.

He seemed to find my fear amusing, letting out a dark chuckle, the knife held out in front of him. He slowly crossed to the bed and stood before me, tall and threatening.

Attempting to calm my pounding heart, I gazed up at him, willing him to feel that connection between us, the one where he told me he loved me. . .

Instead he shoved me backwards on the bed.

_No! What is he doing?!_

Tremors ran through my limbs as he settled on top of me, the knife held over my face.

“S-Subaru, what's wrong?” I asked again, trying to keep my voice steady, trying to talk him away from whatever madness had overtaken him. “Y-You aren't acting like yourself.”

But my words seemed to have the opposite effect. Subaru laughed widely, his fangs gleaming at me. “You think so? No. This is me.”

With a wild, guttural snarl that sent my heart into my throat, Subaru slashed the knife. Silver blurred and I let out a horrified scream as fabric tore, my shirt ripping open under the sharp blade.

It wasn't until the cold air hit my suddenly exposed skin that I felt the pain. A stinging line down my sternum told me that he hadn't just cut through my shirt, but my skin too.

Tears gathered in my eyes.  _Why is he doing this?_

“Ah, I cut too fast didn't I?” The question was asked without a shred of sympathy on his face. “Does it hurt?”

Moisture slipped from the corners of my lashes, though I wasn't sure if the tears were from the pain of the knife or the pain of his sudden cruelty.

His lip tugged upwards at the corner in a pitiless smirk, his voice lowering. “It _does_ hurt, doesn't it?”

Looking down at the injury with glinting eyes, he brought the tip of the knife to my skin, sliding a slow torturous line along the blood he had drawn between my breasts. He didn't press down hard, but the metal was cold, a frigid feeling that made me tremble all over.

He had hurt me before, many times. And I had recognized his _need_ to hurt me, that he was making me feel the same pain he felt inside himself. But hadn't we moved past that? Didn't he care about me now?

_He said he loved me. . ._

My heart cracked in my chest, as though one harsh word from him would completely break me. 

“Why are you doing this?” My voice wavered with knotted emotion. Was my love not enough for him?

His responding laughter sent ripples of fear down my spine. “Isn't it obvious? I'm going to devour you.”

“W-What?” The word was a gasp on my lips, my wide eyes unable to fathom his meaning.

He shifted his weight on me, and I didn't miss the shadow briefly passing over his cruel amusement. “You know, Yui. . . Until now, I've never gotten attached to anything.”

His beautiful white hair fell across the side of his face and for a moment I thought the shadow revealed my Subaru, the Subaru that cared for me.

But then he brought the knife to my face and I flinched, whimpering as it touched my chin.

“This silver knife. . .” he said, his tone low and dark as he dragged it slowly along my jawline. “This knife was the only thing my mother gave me. So it was the only thing I had.”

I held utterly still, terrified that any movement of my own, even breathing, would make the sharp edge cut through my delicate skin.

Subaru paused a moment, letting the knife draw a path down the curve of my neck, where my pulse beat beneath my skin.

“. . . And yet I obtained you,” he said.

I heard the disbelief in his voice, as if he couldn't understand how he made me care about him. He had done so much to push me away, but I never gave up on him because I could see the depth of pain in his eyes. I could still see it now, even as he held the knife to my throat.

 _Subaru. . ._ I wanted to reach out to him, but I was afraid that no matter what I said, it would anger him.

“You were so annoying in the beginning.” A small smile lifted his lip as he seemed to remember when we first met.

I couldn't help the small flicker of hope that dared to emerge within me. I tried to soften my eyes, tried to calm the fear and let him know that I still cared, even now.

But his smile disappeared, his lips thinning. “The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to imprison you, keep you all to myself.”

Suddenly his eyes sparked and I let out a surprised shriek as he bit hard into my neck.

Pain exploded behind my eyes, his fangs scraping down into my veins. My gasps of torment only seemed to excite him as his frigid hand came behind my neck, pushing my throat tighter against his mouth.

“Ah, this blood. . . is irresistible. . .,” he breathed between gulps, his resounding moans pulsing through me, vibrating against my skin. “Only you. . . could get me so addicted to this. . .”

He was so heavy against me, sucking my neck so hard I could barely breathe. I grabbed onto his shoulders, begging with my fingers for him to stop.

But I didn't get time to expand my lungs before he wrenched his fangs out and then plunged them into my shoulder.

My back arched into him, the pain so intense I couldn't stop a horrified sob that echoed through the room.

He hadn't hurt me like this. . . in so long. Maybe not ever, like this.

_Why? What did I do wrong? Can he not handle my love?_

Subaru's face eventually came even with mine, my blood dripping from his fangs. His eyes were wild, as if my screams and my tears were exactly what he wanted.

“Heh, I’m not done. Not yet.” The bloodstained smile he gave me seemed to blaze with his own brokenness, and it crushed me inside.

But the way he drove his fangs into my collarbone sent stars across my vision. “It hurts, Subaru! Please stop!” I screamed, blinded by the intensity of it.

My nerves burned with pain all the way down to my toes. My desperate attempt to twist away only doubled the awful sensation as his fangs hooked onto the bone. My throat constricted so tightly I could feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating.

 _He’s hurting. He's hurting._ The sudden words circled again and again in my mind as I tried to catch my breath. _He's making me feel pain because he's hurting._   _He doesn't know how to handle my love. He doesn't know how to care about someone._

I couldn't have expected the pain that came next. The agony was so sharp and sudden that I couldn't even register what had happened until I felt the liquid warmth rushing down my chest -- and the long bloodcurdling scream that was ripped from my lungs.

_He stabbed me!_

My mind recoiled, my body writhing not just with the severity of the pain, but with disbelief and stark _horror_. 

“I can hear the beat of your heart as it pumps out the blood for me.” Subaru's cruel laughter reverberated in my ears and against my chest as he drank.

All I felt was the throbbing agony as it siphoned my blood into his mouth. Was it deep enough to kill me?

Tears overflowed, running down my face as I choked on the pain. There could only be one reason he would hurt me this viciously. . .

 _It’s because_ _he's the one hurting so badly. . ._

“It makes me want to pierce my fangs even gentler, and even crueler than anyone else could,” he groaned against me, his voice full of darkness.

With each pulse of my heartbeat, I could feel the hold my blood had on him. Before he admitted his love for me, I had felt his confusion and anger, how he didn't want to ruin me the same way his mother had been ruined. And I couldn't stand to see the way he was suffering. I couldn't stand to see how much my blood drove him crazy, to see the pain always etched on his face. So I implored him to drink.

 _It's my fault. He's hurting so much because of me. . ._ The guilt was worse than the pain of his fangs, the pain of his knife.

Through the searing in my nerve endings, I couldn't help wondering if there was some way to make it right, to bring back the Subaru who kissed me so gently, the one who cared for me.

But before I could open my lips to speak, Subaru's hand squeezed around my thigh, pulling it up again his hips. Everything within me tensed as the hardness of his pelvis pressed against mine, his hand closing roughly around my breast.

My mouth went dry as I felt him losing even more control. “Please, stop! Subaru, don't touch me like that!”

“That’s not gonna happen,” he grinned down at me, blood smeared across his mouth, his voice roughened with desire. “Once I tasted you, I could never let you go.”

His lips moved to my throat, a sensuous touch instead of harsh, and I shuddered. The feeling of it was so welcome against the pain still soaring through my body. Even his hand at my breast, the coolness of it against my skin, felt good.

I flushed at the heat of his tongue, pulling out more blood from my neck. “I'll drink every last drop,” he groaned.

I shuddered even more.  _Is that what he meant by “devour me?” He wants to kill me?_

_. . . Is that what I deserve?_

I drew a deep breath through parted lips. My fingers unclenched from his shoulders, sliding to a light touch. My legs that were squirming beneath him stilled, and even my breathing became calm, my whimpers quieting.

I couldn't tell if my body stilled because of the blood loss or if it was because I was accepting the pain, accepting that to love him meant he might take my life.

 _Is this what it means to be loved by a vampire?_ _I would give my life for him. . . If he wants to drink it all, I'll let him. . ._

Subaru tilted his head to the side, his white hair fluttering so softly as he moved. So beautifully.

“Ah. . . you’re suddenly obedient. Are you finally giving in to me?” His deep voice wrapped around me as my body subdued itself beneath him.

_I will take his pain. I would take it all for him if I could._

“Give me more,” he breathed against my skin. “Give me more of your blood.” His tongue lathered up the line of my pulse until he reached my earlobe. With a gentleness that startled me. . . he kissed me.

The soft stroke on my ear nearly unraveled my heart. My eyes welled even more as he lifted his head and looked down at me.

_Subaru. . ._

My hand began to move, to touch his face, to ease his hurt, but then a force of shock stole the air from my lungs.

Subaru had taken one hand, wrapping it around the cloth of my shirt -- and completely tearing it off me.

“I told you I'm going to devour you,” he growled, his voice gruff with want and lust. “Spread your warmth to me. Feel. . .  _my_ warmth.”

He pressed into me hard, all of his weight on top of me, and I felt the stiff ridge of his arousal digging deep against my hips.

The full implication of what he intended shook my entire body. _That_ was how he wanted to devour me?

_No! Not like this!_

“No, wait--” I gasped, my senses spinning by the sudden roughness in his touch, a scorching greediness that told me there would be no gentleness, not like our first time, where he had shown me nothing but tenderness.

“I’m not waiting,” Subaru growled, leaning back to rip his own shirt off his torso. He discarded it to the floor, and despite my fear, I couldn't help staring at how handsome he was, how strong and powerful.

He placed a hand on each side of my bare ribcage, running his hands down to my trembling hips -- to the waistband of my shorts.

“Listen, Yui. I’m not holding myself back anymore.”

I swallowed hard as he tore the fabric, panic curling in my chest. This hadn't been what I meant. I would give my life for him, but the look in his violent features told me that he really was going to devour me. Ravage me.

Subaru leaned over my quivering form, his strong arms on either side of my shoulders. The red in his irises glowed with need, with lust. Lust, and something else, something fiercely dark and possessive. His mouth curved into a frightening primal smile as he wedged a knee between my thighs, forcing them open.

I wanted to plead for him to stop again, but all I could manage was a choking breath to hold back sobs. Was he trying to push me away again? He couldn't handle my love? I tried desperately to make sense of his actions, my mind whirring to understand.

“I’ll go far past your limits. From top to bottom, I will. . .,” Subaru paused, running his feral gaze over each exposed inch of me until he met the fear and shock on my face. “I _will_ devour every part of you."

Before my mind and body were totally consumed with unrelenting pain and scalding pleasure, I wondered. . . maybe. . . maybe this was just what it meant to be loved by a vampire.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> People often think Subaru is a blushing virgin who just occasionally hits a wall. They dont seem to understand his tendency to terrifying violence and sexual assault. He is every bit as dangerous as the others, even though his route does come off as more "romantic" than the others. But his relationship with Yui isn't any less abusive or twisted, and I really wanted to show that here.
> 
> In the game, this scenario doesn't show much of Yui's inner thoughts beyond her screams and her shock, and telling him to stop. So I wanted to get inside her mind here, and show what she might be feeling and how she might try to rationalize his behavior (I did make it a bit more violent, but not much). I hope I did ok, because the warped psyches that happens between abusers and their victims is fascinating to me, and that's why this game fascinates me so much (too much? lol ^-^)
> 
> [Here](https://maichiruhanabira.tumblr.com/post/178874603501/subaru-heaven-prologue-haunted-dark-bridal) is the translation I used. Please support translators! :)


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